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In todays article, well discuss why an ex would contact you years after the breakup and how to respond to specific reach outs. In your mind, it's been a while since you broke up, and in the meantime, it feels like a lot of water has passed under the bridge. I've talked to him a few times and it just seemed like he needed to remember happy times for a bit. These tests include a non-stress test and biophysical profile (ultrasound). #1 Listen To What They've Got To Say Unless your ex-partner was an abuser, listen to what they've got to say before deciding how to handle the situation. However, before taking any action, you should listen to what theyve got to say, get some advice, and dont respond. I think you did the right thing. He was understanding and glad to know I am happy. It was important and felt good. How to Stop Being Angry at Your Ex | Psychology Today It makes them feel so inadequate, they want to see if they can disrupt it. Youll set your own pace and see if your ex agrees. $1000 is a lot of money, so you should try to peacefully get it back. Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) I am considering contacting my ex that I havent had contact with I over 5 years. If the relationship was abusive, its not advised for your physical and mental safety to get back with your ex. But if your ex keeps messaging you afterward and shows a lot of interest in you in one way or another, then your ex probably wants to be friends or is gathering the courage to ask you out again. When you receive a text or call from an ex years after the breakup, the very first thing you must do is learn why your ex reached out to you. Im guessing shes trying to do something to clear her conscience. Closure is not something you can give someone or receive from someone. I had blocked her and all her family on social media so no one could know what I was up to and I could just disappear. What to do if an ex contacts you after years isnt the easiest thing to decide. Before going down a path you have already been on, voice what you want from this renewed relationship be it any kind. What to Do When an Ex Reaches Out to You - Insider Why Did My Ex Reach Out To Me If They Broke Up With Me? - letsmend.com If you catch yourself spiraling a little, it's OK.. And I felt much better letting him know how much I'd cared about him during our relationship even though I hadn't expressed that in words well enough back then. I fessed up about the hiding incident, much to my embarrassment, lol. 8 Things To Do When Your Ex Contacts You Years Later, 4. Or maybe you both ended things mutually and somehow stayed out of touch for years. Somepossible reasonsfor rekindling the relationship include regretting the break-up, the ex is a better partner, and they were soul mates. Youve both moved on, got a new partner, and were happy, so whats the motive? Definitely not. When an ex contacts you years later, make sure you dont actively try to turn it into a guilt trip for them. It took a bunch of direct messages to make it very clear that I dont want to contact him, Ash, a 31-year-old activist, tells us. In fact,researchsuggests that 40-50% of peoplere-establish contactwith exes and start a relationship again. Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. If you are looking for an explanation, ask for it. Anger is part of the journey to acceptance and moving on, so if they're still holding anger, resentment, or bitterness, they haven't totally healed. As if you both needed a reason to get even more heavily chemically attached to each other. If exes come back when you stop caring, youve got to make sure you remember not to rush into anything and not over-indulge. When this no-contact situation casts its shadows on your ex, they will look for opportunities to get in touch with you. I get why you feel the need to give this person closure, but please know: that's not your responsibility. So, before you slam a sarcastic emoji in their face, grab a tea or a book. . so yeah. He also had trust issues before we got together. Before you type out an elaborate text asking for an explanation, pause and think about your life right now. He was going through the program and wanted to make amends. More often than not, they just want to catch up and be friends. The phrase that "there is safety in numbers refers to our primal need to belong to a tribe of kinpeople and extended kinfictive kin is a word that is used by some groups to describe the close friends who serve in the roles of aunties, uncles, grandparents, etc., even without a blood or legal tie. Yes, I reached out to my first love. Closure takes effort and patience, and sometimes, the wounds wont heal with an explanation. They do whatever it takes to reconnect with an ex because their ex can make them feel better. I was tired of her treating me badly subtly, so I unfriended, deleted, and we stopped talking a few months. In that case, having a quick chat on Instagram wont be such a bad idea. You were friends before getting involved in a relationship, and becoming a couple destroyed your friendship. I actually miscarried shortly after confirming the pregnancy. I had an ex find me 12 years after we broke up and reached out to me. When reuniting, theyve matured and understand what it takes to make a relationship work. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. He thought were friends and the fact that he cheated on me was very conveniently swept under the rug. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? You can do one of two things, listen to what your ex has to say, or ignore them. 1. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding, How a Stronger Body Can Transform Your Identity, Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. Your ex wasnt committed to coming back. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. I confirmed that I had actually found out I was pregnant with his child shortly after we broke up but I didnt abort it. Remember, friendships are often place-bound or time-bound relationships and their remembered intensity may be reflecting more about the intensity of that period of your life rather than the depth of that friendship. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. I dont think there is a deep hidden meaning here. When were scared, we long for the familiar, and right now, many of us are afraid or concerned in ways that we havent been before ever in our lives. That's an interesting angle I did not consider, I'm glad it helped! Do what's best for you. It felt good verifying that intuition. The ill-fated lets be friends cliche is still alive and well. I had never mentioned it to him as since I had miscarried it didnt seem like there was anything to discuss. Listen, the messages are very casual and kind of nice but I really don't feel like I have anything in common with this person, it would never occur to me to message him. Apparently he had heard a rumor that I had found out I was pregnant after we broke up and had aborted the baby. No one says you need to entertain them. But at the same time, youre curious as to why they are reaching out. If your ex doesnt want to be your friend, for example, you obviously wont be able to be friends with your ex. If youre looking to get them back, your imagination must be running wild. People are not static, and friendships that cant shift and grow as people do just cant endure. You were important to each other once. But apparently it has haunted him for 12 years enough to find me and ask. Talking to an ex after years can haunt you with memories, so buckle up. And that I kind of think he shouldn't have stayed married if he wanted to pursue polyamory, because of what it did to hi, Thanks for sharing, I understand that what you are tempted to do is verbalise what you have learnt and worked through post breakup and have him acknowledge your feelings. A voice can calm us down and we can catch so much more meaning when listening to anothers inflection, tone, rate of speech that texts will never allow even with the latest set of emojis! On the contrary, the partner who initiated this breakup would get a reality check. My ex has reached out to me a handful of times over the last 15 years. Another reason why your ex contacts you suddenly after so long might be because they are struggling with their feelings alone. Yes, it is very common for exes to get back together years later. My ex owes me money which I want back, nearly $1000 dollars and I have been unable to collect since the pandemic began,I want my money and I am going to reach out for it. Even if you do respond, make sure you can do so in an indifferent manner, says Jaseena. It's a long story. He mentioned catching up and I respectfully declined, immediately established the limit. What Does It Mean When A Guy Calls You Sweet. Long time. So, they are back to mess with your head, bring back all the memories, and stomp your progress in the healing process. They just want you to know theyre sorry. I dont know many adults in choir so I knew it would be best to stay in contact with them. As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. Dont reconnect expecting the relationship to start back up at the depth it existed years ago. The best way to get to the bottom of this is to ask your ex some questions back. We also struggled with communication but we were young so makes sense lol). In this response, you're being vulnerable and expressive of your feelings. If thats the case, theres no harm in having a casual conversation. For a person who has been dumped in a relationship, no contact offers that much-required time and space for healing. After thinking about it long and hard, your ex decides tore-establish contactand tell you how sorry they are. What role are they going to play? This kind of reciprocity is what makes confession responses a great way to respond, especially if your ex called you during no contact to fix things. Other rekindled friendships will wane and possibly evaporate again, but they will leave the friends feeling better for having connected. You and your ex may not be friends on social media, but theyve managed to gain access to your page, and they know all about the wonderful life youre living without them. Something bad must have happened to her that made her want to clear he conscience. My ex contacted me after 18 months of no contact during lockdown. Different people have different norms around contact and friendship over time and after a relationship ends. This post originally appeared at Attract The One. Instant replies hint at either interest or an unfulfilling life and even if both might be true, dont let your ex pick up on that. You havent heard from your ex in years, and theyre contacting you out of nowhere. So they pick up the phone, dial your number, and hope youre just as lonely as them and willing to have a conversation. When the call, email, ortext messagecomes, dont feel that you need to be polite. 5 Examples of How to Respond to an Ex After No Contact - Marriage Sometimes, I want to reply but my partner is visibly upset about it, so I havent so far. You may hold beliefs about anger, such as: Nice . Whats going on? It's when an ex reaches out just to get something from you and then disappears. You might have completely moved on and be having the time of your life then suddenly, heres your ex. If you're in the midst of a no contact rule, which includes time frames of 21 days, 30 days, and 45 days, you may be sitting and thinking that you should respond back to your ex. I don't want to cause problems between him and his gf/wife. The grass looks greener, so your ex skates out into the wild world of dating to find someone who ALSO has quirks, hangups and is generally human just like you are. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. When an ex suddenly gets in touch with you out of the blue, it can be a confusing and frustrating situation. Whats sad is during a 2.5 year separation period I had no idea how she felt. Ex Reached Out After No Contact - Magnet of Success Seeing your ex after a long time could be extremely overwhelming. Its strange to call your ex to find out if they think the same as them, but it happens because you still feel connected to your ex. Im not sure if Im doing the right thing. Good emotional support is tough to come by out there in the cold, dark dating world. If your ex talks nicely to you for a little while and then doesnt talk to you for weeks, that could mean that your ex got what he or she was after. Consider whether your ex is entitled to this kind of work from you. Writing back right away will only give. Many a time, people end a relationship in haste without thinking it through. Is Your Ex Pretending To Be Over You? 12 Signs - Mindbodygreen Like a lot of reasons on this list, this might be totally unconscious. His entire purpose was to find out truth from me. In fact, it might even be a good idea to block your ex if they make you feel uncomfortable on any level. 4. I didnt reply. When An Ex Contacts You Years Later THIS Is What It Means Unfortunately, when they show up like this and vent about their problems on you, then disappear again, it just creates frustration and emotional turmoil for you. Youve probably told your partner all about your ex, and why you broke up. Unanticipated, unasked, over five years later. Some of our newly rediscovered friendships may very well pick back up and grow in their meaning in your lives, as theyll reflect the shared experience of the pandemic anxiety and fallout that is happening as the friendship is heating back up. Shes now married with a kid and said being married is hard, having a family is hard. Related Reading: 9 Reasons Ignoring Your Ex Is Powerful, Derek, this guy who lives in my building, often shares his life stories with me as we cross paths in the hall. When an ex contact you years after the breakup, your ex wants to get something from you. You get to decide whether to forgive her and alleviate her guilty conscience. I think if you don't feel completely comfortable responding or you're questioning their motives, then don't respond. Theyll reveal whether your ex wants to keep you around out of convenience or if your ex has more selfless plans for you. Now theyve matured, they realize how terrible of a partner they were and how their actions could have caused you to have trust issues. 5. Do you like how your life looks without your ex?